


The Juice Dilemma

by aye_its_nana



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack Treated Somewhat Seriously, Dick Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Felix acts like he's h-word, Felix is a tease, Felix is over it, M/M, Modern AU, Naked the Juice Brand, not angst, someone stop sylvain, sylvain is h-word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28646160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aye_its_nana/pseuds/aye_its_nana
Summary: Prompt: A couple is arguing about an empty bottle of juice with lipstick on the rim.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	The Juice Dilemma

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this relatively quickly since I wanted to meet myself out of a writing block lol. I hope you enjoy reading!!!

Felix only wanted to drink his juice.

That’s it. Just _his_ juice. The juice Felix bought specifically for himself.

His Naked Juice: Greens Protein that he bought, for himself. 

And his dumbass of a boyfriend let his friend drink it. 

Now listen, Felix isn’t pissed that Sylvain had a girl over. Hell, he even participated in Sylvain’s weekly talk-shit meetings with Claude and Hilda.

Sylvain didn’t even have the decency to clean the table after Claude and Hilda had left.

Lo and behold, his Naked Juice: Green Protein was on the table, Hilda’s pink lipstick staining the rim.

Currently, the bottle is being squished in his fist as he glares at Sylvain.

Sylvain, the infuriating asshole, is just smirking at Felix. Felix could feel his vein pop. And of course, Sylvain decides to be a dumbass (as usual, but it’s worse since Felix is already pissed).

“Felix, calm down,” he somehow manages to look more smug, “I’ll get you _Naked_ if you _come_ with me.” The asshole has the nerve to look proud.

“You’re sleeping on the couch tonight, you goddamned idiot,” Felix scolds the ginger, yet he is a little impressed to see Sylvain express just a tiny amount of remorse.

“Awww Babe, don’t be like this,” Sylvain no longer has any remorse on his face and Felix is no longer impressed, “I’ll get _Naked_ and you can drink some of _my protein_ , yeah?”

Felix gives Sylvain a _loving_ (that’s one way to put it) smack on his arm and Sylvain hisses out an _ouch_ , “I even put my name on the bottle, how did you not realize that it’s mine?”

“I did realize,” Sylvain is holding the spot that Felix smacked, but the ginger laughs because he has no sense of self-preservation, “I just took the chance to make Naked jokes while I could,” or sense of shame apparently. Felix _should_ have guessed that.

“Let me guess,” Felix sighs in exasperation, “you said, ‘Do you mind if I get you Naked?’ and Hilda gave normal fake-flirty response while Claude watched and planned to tell me, you gave Hilda the bottle, and then you all proceeded to talk shit about Lorenz or listen to Claude talk about his baby wyvern.” 

Sylvain’s self-satisfied smirk says everything that Felix didn’t want to hear. He didn’t want to _see_ it either, but it’s ok he guess.Yeah, no. Sylvain is going to buy more of that damned drink.

Felix feels a little embarrassed that he’s throwing such a fit. At the same time, he knows that Sylvain expected this exact dilemma occurring. Felix almost smirks as a thought comes to mind. 

Felix _pouts_ at Sylvain.

He-

He _pouted._ Sylvain’s brain went into overdrive. 

The only time Felix _pouts_ is when they-...

Sylvain mentally slapped himself.

Felix leans forward and rests his hands on Sylvain’s broad chest. The ginger could no longer bring himself back to reality as Felix’s hands slip down, down, _down._ Sylvain’s hands rest on Felix’s snatched waist.

Felix kneels down and _oh, Sylvain is definitely on board this train_. Felix almost laughs outloud when Sylvain takes off his own shirt and subsequently rests his hands on Felix’s hips. Felix tugs Sylvain’s gray sweats and briefs down his muscular legs.

When Sylvain steps out of them however, Felix immediately stands up and pulls the leather wallet out of the pocket. Sylvain stares in confusion having already forgotten that Felix was pissed just a few moments beforehand.

“I’m buying more juice,” Felix walks out the door and gives Sylvain a half-hearted wave, “have fun standing _Naked_ with a stiffy by yourself.”

As he shuts the door, Felix hears Sylvain’s embarrassed squawk of, “FELIX, WHAT THE HELL?”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! Please leave a comment or a kudos if you did happen to enjoy this crack fic!! It means a lot to me!! Thank you for reading!!


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